Dear Hillary – Essay – Satire

Dear Hillary,

I’m sorry if this letter comes as a shock, but we have to have a talk. The last few months of separation from you have taught me that it’s time to say goodbye.

Please don’t be hurt. It’s not you. It’s me. And… it’s him. You know the guy I mean. I know he’s abusive and lies all the time, but he’s got me in a corner and he’s grabbing me by the pussy, so I’m a bit stuck. I just can’t help thinking about him all the time and he’s so demanding of my attention. Don’t worry, I’m not making a big right turn. If anything I’m discovering my inner progressive.

So, I have to move on. And to be truthful, maybe it is a little bit you. The baggage involved with our relationship is keeping me from moving forward. Every comment I make is judged by my perceived reaction to your loss. Because of our past connection, I am unable to prove my current opposition to him. The only way to move forward and make a difference is to let what-might-have-been go.

You have to realize that my relationship with you was one sided and not fair to you at all. I was just using you to get to him. You were my weapon, the only weapon I had. I was with you, not through loyalty to you, but in opposition to him. But you were using me too. Admit it. We could have had a long-term thing that was comfortable and familiar, and it would have had a great honeymoon period, but in the long haul, it would probably have gotten messy.

So from now on I won’t talk about you or come to your defense when his friends cut you down, because I won’t let them use you that way. I won’t let them move the orange spotlight or change the conversation.

I know it’s a cliché, but I hope we can stay friends. I’ll always have feelings for you and will honor the time I helped support you. And I hope that we can still save the other relationship that truly matters most to both of us. Our mutual love. America.

Appreciation Always,
Your Voters


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